The Ex Factor


We recently got into a new relationship and things are going great. We’re happy clappy most of the time (we may even feel tempted to join a religious congregation or NOT) and we would like to be nowhere else than with our new partner. There seems to be no clouds on the horizon and then, eventually the inevitable happens and we learn that our ex is dating someone too.

The Shock, the Horror! Regardless, of the fact that we moved on, we somehow feel upset. We were allowed to find someone else, obviously, but was our ex also entitled to do so? Even though we know that he/she deserves happiness as anyone else, at some egoistic level we feel that they should have kept pining for us till the end of their lives and we treat the fact that they didn’t as a personal insult of some sort.

Our ego has been hurt, hence the comparison inevitably follows. Is she prettier or in any other conceivable way better than me? Surely, she cannot be. With delight we listen to our friends encounters with our Replacement – she has an additional kilo or two, she could work on her style, etc. We also try to silence the tiny voice that’s telling us that even if she was the hottest piece of ass in the world, their loyalty to us would make them see the flaws only and if they weren’t too obvious they would forcefully find them.

What is it truly, however, that makes us feel so much not at ease with our former partners getting sorted? The inevitability of change and the fact that now it’s all done and dusted. We both moved on and it’s the official end of the story. Our new partners may make us so much happier and may be our true match but there’ll always be some bitterness over of a broken heart of before (and whoever is telling you otherwise is lying). The solution seems to be to find peace and disregard the irrational feelings which seem to be a common human experience. At the end of the day, it all worked out for the best for all of the involved, now we can let go and enjoy our new beginning.


  1. I get what your saying but its one thing when you’ve both moved on. But how about when you ex moves on but you are still single? Even if he is with some ugly muntress, it still leaves you feeling inadequate and thinking how the hell does that low-life, good for nothing scum bag get a second chance but here I am still single, lonely with nobody to love me but a large bottle of Smirnoff !?

    Its even worse if they’ve cheated on you and are making a go of things with the Other Women. Where is the karma in action there? Tell me !!!

    But at the end of the day, even if the relationship ended amicably, its still painful seeing someone move on. It is kind of a symbol on the time you wasted. If you hadn’t been on that relationship…cooking for him, financially providing for him, picking up his dirty undies and massaging his ego, maybe you could have been out there on the prowl looking for Prince Charming.

    My solution to this Ex-Factor issue is to be FABULOUS and if you can’t be FABULOUS (because lets all admit it, we’ve spent days crying into our pillows over our exes) then just fake it till you make it. Get a new hair do, get hot(ter), get rich, go on an exotic holiday and eventually you WILL find a new MAN (not a boy). Post it ALL on social media and make sure he knows that he threw away the BEST thing that ever happened to him. 🙂


    • No, no, no – to the last paragraph. Just be happy. You don’t need to prove him anything. The egoistic competitions don’t lead to anything good. He’ll know or he won’t know. He may even think that you’re an absolute loser but it won’t make you one if you don’t feel like one. By the same token, pics and a Fb relationship with a movie star won’t make you a winner or fool anyone if you’re not truly happy 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • I guess you are right. But you know us single girls need to try our best to get out there and have fun while we can and if the FB pics are the motivation, so be it. Sometimes we need to simply go through the motions.

        Plus, the truth is if you’ve been in a long-term relationship you probably know that person well enough to know when they are faking it.


  2. I think alotybaby is correct …Just be Happy and work on being the best you, you can be for yourself and when the time is right …the right person will come into your life. Competiting against the ex doesn’t lead to anything good for yourself

    Liked by 1 person

  3. […] Cape Town is a small place. Especially if you’re one of the expats you tend to hang out with certain groups of people. The fact that everyone knows everyone can be a positive thing but if you happened to be single in this environment at some point it’s more of a curse than a blessing. One of the most awkward situations is bumping into your exes (that’s assuming you’re like yours truly, meaning NOT Mature and Best Friends with all of them). You’re having time of your life at a party when suddenly you start feeling uneasy on your stomach. Someone’s staring at you, you can tell. You look around and you can see him pretending he’s looking in another direction. Say hi and make sure that he saw your engagement ring? Ignore and pretend you didn’t see him before if he approaches? Options are many but from my experience such encounters are often awkward, unpleasant and a bit sad. With or without your new partner at your side it’s never nice to encounter the failed project of yours. […]


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