5 Excuses of A Sad Spinster

Crazy Cat Lady

I don’t blame you for thinking I am a bit bi-polar, especially after me Hating on Dating last week. But after much consideration (not really), I’ve decided to put an end to the man-ban. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. In fact, taking some time out to figure out exactly what you want and what your deal breakers are is a good thing. But let’s not kid ourselves. As much as we might put a brave face on things, I don’t truly believe that there is any girl out there that honestly wants to become a Crazy Cat Lady.

I’ve encountered enough spinsters and 30-something virgins to know of all the lame excuses used to justify the fact that they’ve basically given up on the idea of ever finding a man. Here are the main ones:

  1. I am focused on my career and have no time for men

I hate to tell you this, but there are women far more successful than you that are managing to make millions and save the world all with a hot man on their arm.

  1. Men are douche bags. I hate them all

We’ve all been there. Everyone has had their heart broken. If it wasn’t the ex that promised you happily-ever-after, it was probably the Dad that walked out on the family while you were sleeping. There is no doubt that it sucks, but ask yourself whether blocking out the whole of the opposite sex is making you a happier person. Probably not.  Get some tissues, deal with your issues and then go find yourself one of the 2% of guys that aren’t total deadbeats.

  1. I am happy living alone with my cats/dogs, the only people (?!) that will never hurt me.

Yes, it’s true. These sentient-beings will love you unconditionally (well, until the lady down the street feeds them gourmet food) and they might even keep you warm at night. But can cats/dogs/mice,etc really compensate for human interaction (and bedroom acrobatics)?

  1. No man can meet my high standards, so I stopped searching

OK, so we can sit here and debate whether soul mates truly exist for an eternity. I don’t have a definitive answer on that one. But successful relationships are based on compromise. Sure, Hollywood has given us unrealistic expectations but maybe, just maybe, that bad boy that’s a bit rough round the edges can be transformed into a Prince Charming when he is under your spell. Also as we get older our priorities change so maybe those ‘high standards’ you set in your 20s might become a bit more realistic as that biological clock ticks away.

  1. I am a feminist – I am capable of living without a man.

Good for you but I’m a fan of a more pragmatic brand of feminism – the one where you realise that while you are pretty much capable of doing most things yourself, sometimes it’s just more effective to use your feminine prowess to get a Tinder boy to do it for you. I mean why would you waste your time setting up a complicated sound system, when you can have your legs up on the couch reading while he exercises his grey matter (believe me, he needed to, so I was doing a service to humanity).

Basically, what I am saying is that my rather short stint at the nunnery has now served its purpose. Maybe I’ve been indoctrinated by all those Disney movies I watched as a little girl, but I’d rather be a hopeless romantic any day than resign myself to life as a sad spinster who spends her life cuddling her hoard of kitties while forever forever judging those single girls with their head in the clouds who’ll never give up the search for their Prince Charming.

Now Rinsers, give us your take on Spinsterhood in the comments below … 


    • Hmmm…now that is the million dollar question. I think I need to write a post on deal breakers soon. But I am still deciding on exactly what I want….but one thing I do know is that I don’t want to be a sad old spinster, like some of bitter, twisted people I know and surely that should be one step in the right direction.


    • Does anyone know who they are. People evolve and our perspectives change as we grow up – like I said the high standards we set in 20s become more realistic in our 30s when we’ve had some life experience. That said, I think its important to have deal breakers. I am slowly but surely figuring our what mine are e.g. can’t have someone smoking in my face, no drugs, preferably someone who is somewhat financially stable and well read. See dating does have it purpose, even if just to show us what we don’t want.

      As for spinsters…this post was about the women who judge ppl like me who are out there actively looking for their Prince Charming. I just wanted to highlight some of the flaws in their weak arguments for giving up on love. Not judging them, but just forcing these types to question their approach to dating.


  1. When I ask who are you I know we are always evoling but what I mean is at your core who are you? Your values the things that make you you? It is those things you need to look for in a man. Not the fictional Prince Charming. Everyone wants the walk in the park holding hands relationship, but dig deeper , this has nothing to do with age, this has to do with maturity learning about yourself the inner person, Do you want someone who shares your values, do you want someone who has opposite values? What are the pros and cons to both? And what expections does a man have of you? If he has no expections ( Like for example he needs to have a job) then he may not be the kind of man that in the long run will be good for you. This is what I mean what I ask who are you?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t think its really useful to have tick boxes, although in the age of internet dating this seems to be the norm. I think this is what differentiates a romantic fairy princess from a bitter twisted spinster. The spinster has requirements that very few people can meet, therefore she will remain eternally single. Even if we want X,Y,Z qualities in a guy, we need to be open to the fact that there may be people that don’t meet these standards that win us over some other way.

      Yes, I agree with you that a person needs to know who they are and what the stand for before entering into a relationship…otherwise it all falls apart further down the line.

      I will have a proper think about all your questions and give you a post on the importance of deal breakers at some point soon. 🙂


      • I am not saying that you need super strict requirements but I do believe you have to have something about you that you don’t attract the wrong kind of individuals to you. That is very important and it is something that is often overlooked. By the way this is the same advice I have giving to my daughter on more than one occasion in her life.


  2. I think one should never give up on what they want in life. Sometimes getting it may take longer than expected but as they say “the teacher comes when the student is ready” 😉 spinsters are from my experience difficult to deal with because of their bitterness. They believe they’ll never find anyone and that everyone is an asshole and therefore that’s what comes to their lives so they can be like “You see?”. If they won’t change their experience won’t change either.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think the saddest thing about spinsters/30 something virgins/haters of men in general is that this bitterness also transcends into other areas of their life and they become judgmental. This in turn will alienate most humans, thus they are left with just those sentient beings. Not something I want to entertain in my own life.


  3. I’ll probably end up being a dog lady, or fall in love with the sexy men I write in my stories. It’ll be like that episode of the Twilight Zone! When the author describes the perfect wife & then she appears! Magical. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nooooooo waaaaaayyyyyyy Hosea will I ever give up on men… God desires for none to be alone, and although my husband makes me wanna chew bricks at times, he’s still definitely a wonder in my life. Especially as it is today, and I’m going through what I am, he comforts me and keeps trynna say and do things to make me laugh and keep my mind off my problems.

    In a nutshell, when I look at all the HHHEEEELLLLPPPP he is to me, verses a hindrance, I’d have to say he’s a keeper, and I so thank God a million times over for his presence in my life.

    BTW, I’m scared of all animals and would simply have to result to being totally alone without my husband.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I would definitely be willing to try… But, some people are truly set in their ways, and have their minds pretty much made up. And it could be due to horrific things that happened to them, and if that’s the case, it’ll take a miracle to convince them to trust and try again. Pain when you’ve given a person your all is quite devastating… Although I’d never result to that way of life, I can also feel where they’re coming from.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Totally get what you are saying. For example, if the bloke not only breaks her heart, but steals savings and drives off into the sunset with a younger model, all the while leaving her holding the babies. In such a case, the decent thing to do would be to focus on the kids instead of looking for sexual satisfaction. That said, those that block out any advances from the opposite sex are simply hurting themselves and letting the person who broke their heart win.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That is so true, and that was almost me, after my marriage ended due to infidelity I too was apprehensive to getting back into a relationship for a long time. Then, God healed my wounds and the man I’m with now is for sure Heaven sent, and God helps us stay together in Holy matrimony… It takes plenty of Prayer and supplication in order for it to work out.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. […] To conclude, I know the world isn’t so black and white and even the ‘happy hearts’ have bad times but you get my point. If one chooses to focus on the negative aspects of their life and wallow in self-pity this bitterness eventually infiltrates their heart essentially making them not just unattractive but overwhelmingly unloveable (to everyone except perhaps the dog – and as #zlotybaby once said ‘of course these sentient beings will love anyone who gives them food!’). As for myself, let’s just say I’m working on it – thankfully my experiences with ‘Ugly Hearts’ has taught me that no amount of heartbreak should make me a hater of men, and although some of the blokes I’ve met on my adventures have made me roll my eyes, for now I’ll just laugh it off and keep on swiping because ultimately it’s a choice between happily ever after or life as a sad spinster. […]


  6. I would say that relationships are hard. But the most value I’ve ever had in life is being a parent to children. As bitter as you think you are, when you care for a child, this reminds you that there is a God. Being single focuses too much on the selfishness of being single. Have kids of your own or adopt. Then you are reminded as to why you are human.


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