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Jane the Virgin – Glamorising Celibacy?

Jane the Virgin

As a result of all the stuff I’ve been blogging about here, Google (in its rather stalker-ish way) felt that Jane the Virgin was something that I would be interested in. And Google being the rather clever one, was right as I quickly got my hands on the first season of the show.

Jane the Virgin is a comedy-drama series (styled like telenovela because, you know, Jane is Latino and all) which follows the story of a 23 year old virgin who is accidentally impregnated via artificial insemination. It has all the elements necessary to keep viewers (even those with a short attention span when it comes to TV) entertained; multiple romances, family politics and a little bit of crime drama thrown in for good measure. It also touched on a number of the important issues we’ve been discussing on RinseBeforeUse. Everything from good girls chasing bad boys and kicking the wholesome ones to the kerb, cheating and break-ups to interracial romance and panty dropping.

While it’s not the most intellectually stimulating entertainment, it’s pretty good. The show offers a slightly far-fetched but lighthearted perspective on some serious issues. I did feel, however, that it glamourised the whole issue of celibacy a bit much. Jane is portrayed as a level-headed girl who has made a promise to her rather fanatically religious grandmother to not follow in the footsteps of her rather crazy, promiscuous (but at the same time good-hearted) mother who went and got herself pregnant with Jane is her teens.

Sadly, I know a fair few real-life 30 something virgins (not to be mistaken with the sad spinsters who at this stage have basically regained their virginity) and they are really nothing like Jane. While slightly awkward and ditsy at times, Jane is good looking, confident and glamourous (I have to admit I am pretty envious of her wardrobe) and she has not one but two handsome guys fighting for her affection. For Jane remaining a virgin is conscious choice, but it doesn’t mean she is totally innocent (she writes sexy letters to man which is basically an old-fashioned form of sexting). Furthermore, her long-term boyfriend/fiancé as well as her baby daddy/bad boy are so in love with her that they hardly even try to push the boundaries and convince her to give them some goodies (hmmm…do such creatures really exist?).

In real life, 30-something virgins are often not so, necessarily out of choice but, because they’ve learnt from an early age that the opposite sex are not to be trusted and therefore are incapable of forming even the most basic kind of relationship with a man, that might one day allow things to progress to the bedroom. Also, as harsh as it may sound, those that haven’t been laid by a certain age may possibly have serious self-esteem issues, that need to be addressed professionally. And it’s one thing being a late bloomer but I do wonder whether after a certain age your expectations become unreasonably high and you just end up giving up on the idea of bedroom acrobatics altogether.

Anyway, I am getting way ahead of myself and over-analysing something that needs to be enjoyed for what it is, a good LOL. And on the bright side, if by glamourizing celibacy and showing the world that being a virgin can be somewhat cool, maybe just maybe this shows like Jane The Virgin can influence teenagers not to be so rampant, then maybe we can start to reduce unwanted progeny and its associated issues. Let me put an end to my unnecessary ranting now and go watch a few more episodes.

Now over to you our dearest Rinsers. Let us know your thoughts on holding onto the V-Card well into your late 20s/30s in the comments below.

52 comments

  1. Virgins are what they are because they are taught the opposite sex not to be trusted ???Where did you get that from? I was a virgin through my teens and into my early 2o’s until I was married to my first wife. I was taught you save for marriage not because I can’t trust the opposite sex. The show is about polar opposites those who can’t wait to have sex every chance they get(Jane’s sister) and one who values her virginity inspite of the tremendous pressure to give into to her sexual desire.

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    • I was reflecting on the reality of the situation and from my experience the 30-something virgins I know aren’t virgins because of a religious view that they should wait till after marriage but generally because they have trust/self-esteem issues. From what I’ve seen in real life those that are religious tend to get married quite quickly and maybe I am being cynical but I think this partly has something to do with them wanting to legitimately have sex.

      Its Jane’s mum you are talking about not her sister (although she is young enough to be)… and yes her promiscuity is part of the reason why Jane is so determined to hold onto the V-Card. And that’s great and the way it should be – people should learn from the mistakes of people around them. But again look at the reality in society – the trends show that those whose mother’s had them as teenagers are much more likely to be teenage mum’s themselves.

      I am not advocating that people should throw away their V-Card but I am saying that the way the show portrays Jane is a bit unrealistic.

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      • I remember my mother told me when I was 20 I wasn’t ready to get marriage and all I wanted to do was have sex…so I said at least I am doing it the right way . Those that wait well into their 30’s I agree could have issues that one no one is good enough for them to give their…to or that fear kicks in everytime they attempt to be intimate with someone from the opposite sex. There was a time when Jane wasn’t so unrealistic.

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  2. I don’t agree that there is ever a ‘right way’ to lose your virginity. And its not about having God’s approval or anyone else, its just about being OK with your decision yourself. People who wait till after marriage are no more legit than those who do it after a few weeks or months.

    And yes the longer you leave it the more your building up expectations.

    I think its about striking some sort of balance about not giving into peer pressure and also not making sex a huge huge deal which results in your becoming a 30-year old virgin. Its a part of life, deal with it.

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  3. I don’t think it’s a bad thing if someone stays a virgin well into their 30’s. If you haven’t met the right person you feel comfortable opening yourself up to, then by all means remain a virgin. I personally don’t think sex is as glamorous as people make it out to be anyway. It’s 3 minutes of pleasure, and afterwards, you feel dirty. Not necessarily because you think you ‘sinned,’ although that could be the case for some people, but you have a serious case of the “what now’s?” Are we an item? Are we just screwing? Are we gonna cuddle? Are you gonna take a shower and leave? Are you fucking someone else? Did you actually like it, or are you just happy you got a quick nut? etc. I’m not one for casual sex (not to say that I’ve never done it), it doesn’t fill me up like having sex with someone I genuinely care about would. I think love makes it so much better, and if you can wait to fall in love, you can wait until you’re married. But for me, sex has gotten so mechanical, I’d rather not do it. I guess you can say I’ve joined the spinster club!

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    • Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ! Never join the spinster club.

      But I do agree with you about the media in general glamorizing sex … thats why I worry for the virgins out there. They are holding on to those V-cards in hope of getting the awesome experience that the movies promise us, but its never really gonna be that way.

      The whole marriage thing, I feel it promises a false sense of security. Its like saying if I make him wait until after marriage, he’ll stay with me forever. That piece of paper offers no security… and if losing the V-Card stops someone rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons, then I say go for it.

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      • I don’t want to join the club. It freaks me out even to say it!

        And I agree. If people are jumping into marriage for the sex, they are missing the point entirely. Marriage isn’t all about the sex, and even in marriage, sex can get mechanical and uneventful, and no one’s gonna stay for mechanical, uneventful sex. I say, virgins, don’t get blinded by the flashing lights, with sex and with marriage. If you know what you’re getting yourself into and you’re cool with it, hey, who are we to stop you? But any virgin expecting to have that “awesome experience,” good luck with that. I haven’t even found it yet.

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      • Don’t worry. The fact that you don’t want to be a spinster means you never will be…if you are out there dating while single, you can never be a spinster. The ones I know have made a conscious decision to declare their hatred of men and close down the factory 😉

        LOL…I don’t think many of us have. I think looking back most people will look back at early experiences and accept that they were clumsy and awkward…and thats OK, you’ve just got to take it for what it is and move on.

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  4. I can’t speak for why some women would be at or approaching 30 and still be virgins (the oldest one I’ve ever met was 24 or 25) but I know why many men at that age are virgins. Usually they are socially awkward or socially inept from a very young age, they get to college and still dwell on the fact that they were socially inept and awkward (even if they are better with people now) and it just sort of gets put on the backburner. After awhile, they start to place a lot of importance on the act of having sex and it becomes a source of anxiety.

    My point is, I think you’re right. From a man’s perspective, I think that after a certain age your expectations do become unreasonably high and it only adds to the anxiety around sex.

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    • I guess the whole 30-something virgin situation must probably be harder for guys. I think it can be somewhat easier pulling off the image of being prudish as a chick.

      Again, I think the media has made sex out to be this huge monumental event in a persons life, that needs to be TIMED perfectly. But if you think of it in the most basic sense, it is a basic need. I think there needs to be some balance…don’t just throw away the V-Card on the first person that comes along, but someone you have a relationship with – why not? Waiting till marriage or until petals fall from the sky (telenovela style) isn’t going to make the first time less clumsy and awkward.

      Having sex is a right of passage…just like learning to drive a car and graduate from university. The people that don’t do these things in the right time frame and always going to be a step behind the rest to some extent.

      I personally wouldn’t date a guy that was still a virgin at 30 or couldn’t drive by that age … honestly, I’d feel they were somewhat stunted.

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    • This describes me to perfection. I’m 24 years old and still a virgin. I got bullied a lot and became terrified of women as I’d get beaten up for liking a girl. I’m still stuck in the same shitty mindset and even when girls approach me I have no confidence to take things further. I’ve been on dates but I always end up cock blocking myself. I’m seeing a therapist to try and deal with it but it’s hard. Seeing a beautiful woman that I like is enough to give me panic attacks so I end up avoiding them. I hate how everyone else has it so easy. I’ve been thinking about seeing an escort to get it over with but I’m not sure.

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      • Oh dear. Getting professional help is a step in the right direction. Don’t stress too much most people only give away their Vcard in their 20s….In my opinion it’s only a major problem as you approach the big 3-0. You are already adressing the issue so you’ll likely be sorted by then.

        Don’t sleep with a prossy. It won’t solve the problem and might serve to make it worse for you.

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      • I think you’re on the right path, with getting professional mental health services, but I’d avoid getting an escort to get it over with. I’ve got nothing against buying sex on a moral level, but in your case I think you should wait to have sex with someone who genuinely wants to do it. Your relationship with women is already complicated by lots of bad experiences, and adding in “The only person who slept with me was paid to do so” will only further complicate your feelings about women and sex. Work through your issues with women first, and if at the point you want to sleep with an escort, go for it. But just bear in mind that at this moment, it’s a shortcut that will only set you back.

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  5. Great post! I don’t watch the show, but from your description it definitely sounds like it mildly glamourises celibacy – not that there’s anything wrong with being celibate, but I don’t think anyone who makes that choice is better than someone who chooses to have sex. I suppose though that when we’re so bombarded with shows where sex is the selling point, maybe the creators just wanted to bring something fresh to the table?

    When I read ‘sad spinster’ I was thrown, but then read the linked post and pretty much agreed with it – many people who aren’t having sex that late in their life often aren’t doing so because of unresolved issues. If celibacy is a conscious choice i.e. you want to wait until marriage/you are asexual/etc, I support that – celibacy is obviously something that means a lot and makes sense to you. But for some people (and I really don’t want to offend anyone here, because obviously everyone’s choices are totally up to them!) I agree with your point that they aren’t engaging in relationships – not even necessarily sexual relations, just romantic relationships in general – because of trust or self-esteem issues.

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    • Glad you enjoyed the post. I like your perspective…but even by trying to focus on celibacy, Jane the Virgin still makes sex the focus of the show in so many ways (everybody but Jane is busy at it).

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  10. […] The series is based on the lives of 4 early 20-somethings, who have all just graduated from university and are trying to find their feet in the New York City. Hannah, the main character is played by the creator of the show Lena Dunham and is an aspiring writer (Carrie Bradshaw wannabe perhaps?). Then there is Marnie who is into art (the Charlotte type), Jessa the Bohemian Brit and her cousin odd-ball Shoshanna, the virgin. […]

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