The Sex Drought


When one is involved in a long-term relationship there can be a tendency to get complacent and take for granted the fact that you have a regular source of bedroom action. Yeah sure, for some, like all those Ashley Madison members who are busy being name and shamed, there may come a time when your sex life becomes boring and you have to look beyond the confines of your nice, respectable relationship for something a little bit more risqué. But the truth is, at least you are getting some action.

As I have said before, the period following the breakdown of a relationship, can be a bit of a roller coaster when it comes to a person’s mental state. One moment your crying about losing your future husband and the next you feel as free as a bird, knowing that you are now open (please remove your mind from the gutter) to a whole world of new opportunities (and men).

However, the truth is, (unless of course you are a WISO – a species I still very much doubt the existence of), there comes a point when you start questioning whether you’ll be seeing some any action ever again. I know I am jumping the gun a little, as I’ve only actually been single a few months so it may be a bit early to be talking of dry spells (and I’m actually doing pretty well working my way through the deadwood of the Cape Town dating pool and have even had a fair few FWB requests which I have had to sadly decline – sorry boys!).

But discussions with my friends/acquaintances who’ve been single way longer have got me panicking. I mean the sexual prowess of their previous partners must have been pretty bad for the sad spinster who is fast approaching their 3 year Sex Drought anniversary. And if you thought the Sex Drought phenomenon was unique to us ladies, you’d be mistaken, I was surprised to find that there are even guys who’ve gone a couple of years (thus far) without any action in the bedroom department.

The situation really is quite worrying. Chatting to a self-declared WISO friend of mine recently, we debated how long this period of celibacy must be before a person can have been said to have regained their virginity. Although, some may argue that this is impossible, I’m fairly sure that any girl who has been in a long distance relationship will know otherwise 😉 As I get older, wiser and generally less idealistic about love, I am beginning to let go of my some of my prudish ways. But I wonder at what point, one must start considering these FWB offers or even worse, one night stands?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating going out there and hooking-up with the first bloke that comes along, especially not here in South Africa, a country riddled with HIV/AIDS. It’s really not worth catching an STI simply to get that itch scratched and there are always safer solutions – just head over to Ann Summers (or order online if you live in a sexually backward place like Cape Town) and get yourself a Rampant Rabbit (or whatever the latest technological sex companion maybe).

Rinsers please give us your thoughts on how to deal with the Sex Drought in the comments below. In your opinion, how long can a person reasonably last before they become a born-again virgin? If an extended period of celibacy goes on to long, do we eventually lose our skills in the bedroom department or is it like learning to ride a bicycle? And should there come a time when gives serious consideration to a FWB arrangement or even seeks professional help? Discuss.


  1. Don’t think about how long you should be celibate but think about using that time to work on oyou , making you a person so when the right man comes along you will not have this discussion, your nights will be filled with more than enough passion to keep you satisfied.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think be safe like you said. But also, I never found sex with a random that fun. It was always better when you have a connection ie. they can make you laugh or hold a conversation. I believe a lot of people that have a dry spell for to long start to get scared of the idea. Mainly because it’s an intimate thing. I went a year and the next time I had sex it didn’t hurt. (I went the year for me, not because I couldn’t get any)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for your comment.

    Safety first always. No matter how good the sex maybe, its NEVER worth the STI or worse.

    Like I said, people always get these FWB options (which is one step better than a total random) and I wonder at what point one might consider the option providing that the dude was somewhat attractive.


    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree.. There is always a time and place, and you will have yours. Don’t worry about the dry spells and that kinda stuff. Take this time to work on you, to heal and reflect, but most importantly to learn and move on.

    I once had a friend with benefits, well twice actually, but didn’t work out so well. One of you will always end up having feelings for the other. Then what? Yes, I have also my occasional hook ups and even a one night stand (always safe folks!) but there was no real satisfaction.. So whats the point anyway? In the process you hurt yourself even more!

    My advice: whats the Harm in waiting a little for that special someone? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You said it yourself: You’ve had offers and turned them down, you could run out there and ride the HIV express, but you’ve chosen not to. Making a conscious choice to abstain is not the same as having a dry spell. That’s like saying you’re thirsty while refusing to drink the water that’s in the well.
    That said, you won’t lose your skills (humans are naturals at the whole sex thing) and there is no statute of limitations on being a viable partner. In fact, your next partner doesn’t even need to know how long you’ve gone without. That’s your story to tell or withhold as it suits you.
    I don’t know about this whole born again virgin idea. Seems silly to me. You’ve either been there, done that, or you haven’t. And as for friends with benefits, that’s fine, assuming you can communicate well enough to set proper boundaries. Otherwise, you’re begging for unnecessary complications at a time when you need to be focusing on your emotional health.
    That’s my two cents, anyway.

    You can reach me at:
    PO BOX 1371
    COMOX BC V9M 7Z9


  6. Having been in a sexless marriage not by my own choosing, it sucks and can make you lose your mind. After a few years, I ended up having an affair for over a year and a half. Really bad idea n I wouldn’t recommend it. Next week my H and I start sex therapy. I have agreed to 3 months because we do love each other very much. If things don’t improve, I will not waste any more years. Hugs xo


    • Good luck with the sex therapy. At least you’ve acknowledged it as an issue and are tackling it head on. Unlike some people who like to use the argument that they are advanced beings and not as animalistic as the rest of us and therefore not governed by their sexual needs. The result equals a epic drought and bitterness that permeates to all aspects of their life. 🙂


  7. Dear EnglishRosiee,

    I have been meaning to comment on this post for awhile! As you know, I always joke about re-growing my virginity all the time. It is more metaphorical, although there is a bit of a physical feeling that goes along with it. I guess I don’t like using the term “drought.” Whenever I hear the word, I think of starving Ethiopians – and that is never sexy!

    Many of the comments mention the fear of HIV/STIs and how it deters the one-night-stand. Health is very important, obviously. I guess it just has encouraged me to be skilled at having the talk with someone I want to have sex with. Then I take additional precautions. I rarely hookup with complete strangers though, so there is a bit more trust built before.

    Anyways, cheers and I look forward to your next post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Pat !

      There is definately a physical feeling associated with regrowing ones virginity 😉 And you don’t even need to be single to experience it. Try a long distance relationship…

      I think there are always risks when it comes to love/relationships and such arrangements. Whether its those associated with sexual health or simply the things you need to think about when it comes to inviting a dude for drinks at your place to early on (read #zlotybaby’s post on First Dates). But as long as one is aware of the consequences I guess its OK… I have heard of some girls asking potential lovers to produce a health certificate proving that they are STD Free before they got the goodies. But I guess that is probably a bit awkward in most cases. And it could kinda kill the moment. So I guess sometimes we need to just go with, trust our gut and hope for the best. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and commenting.



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