Where have all the Alpha Males gone?

Rugby Union - South Africa v Japan - IRB Rugby World Cup 2015 Pool B - Brighton Community Stadium, Brighton, England - 19/9/15 South Africa's Schalk Burger in action with Shinya Makabe Reuters / Eddie Keogh Livepic

Maybe it’s because of all the rugby players we are currently being forced to perve on but recently I’ve been thinking about traditional concepts of masculinity and how they’ve changed quite dramatically, even in my own lifetime. It seems to me that all the old-school alpha male types are all either married or dead!

I blame Disney for polluting my mind when I was a little girl because those films made me believe that one day this dashing young man (NOT a Prince – even as a child I wasn’t stupid enough to think I could possibly marry royalty, although Prince Harry is still available, ladies) would come along, fight some demons, sweep me off feet and then we’d gallop off into the sunset (in reality I am so clumsy I’d probably fall off the horse).

But then as I grew up I was taught about the suffragettes and women’s rights and how we need to be independent and stand on our feet instead of waiting for some BIG MAN to arrive. This is all well and good and I’m all for equal rights but I am beginning to wonder whether this move towards women becoming more materially successful and independent is necessarily good thing. It seems to me that in the female mission to take over the world, we seem to have broken the male spirit in an epic way.

From my limited experience of the dating game it seems like the type of man that Disney promised doesn’t exist anymore and chivalry is a thing of the past. Look it’s not like we need men to open doors for us (as a marathon runner the physical task of opening a door isn’t going to kill me) but I am not going to complain when they do. And you really begin to question what the world has come to when a small man with a fast horse poses the question: ‘Would you like to kiss?’. No, I’m not advocating face rape here but as one dear friend always says, if he has to ask the question he should already know the answer.

This is not even the worst of it, and maybe it’s more apparent here in South Africa, but it seems to me that everywhere I go I encounter more and more mama’s boys. Nowadays guys not only need a woman that will cook and clean for them (like their mama does) but they are also more than happy for her to be the breadwinner while they sit around on their lazy broke-ass playing computer games. It’s one thing to become complacent when you are comfortably in a stable relationship but men these days are making no effort to hide their fragility even at the dating stage. For example, I recently had a Tinder guy think that suggesting I bring coffee to his workplace legitimately counted as a first date (no joke!).

I probably shouldn’t be so harsh, life is hard for my Tinder boys. And honestly, I am not looking for one of those BIG men who believes that drinking a 100 pints of beer in a night is a great achievement but it would rather not have to ‘lend’ him R5 for the minibus taxi fare to see his next chick. Dudes, its OK to talk about your feelings, cry and even do ballet or get a manicure but please try to draw some inspiration from the Disney Princes instead of listening to everything you mama tells you (cos her advice is really not doing you any favours).

So, what are your thoughts rinsers? In a world where the Boks get the asses kicked by a rugby team called the Cherry Blossoms (sorry, I couldn’t help myself!), is there any hope for that little girl looking for the alpha male that Disney promised her?


  1. If You really have to ask…then you should already know the answer..lol. Is there hope? There always hope. Maybe it might be time to move to someplace else and see what men are like elsewhere. But I agree with you on one point too many men have gone lazy…stay at home play computer games. I think men overthink the simple when it comes to relationship because they listen to their friends instead of knowing how to treat someone…like the way they want to be treated.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish it were that easy. I moved half way across the world for LOVE and where did that get me?! Plus, speaking to my Brit friends in the UK it doesn’t seem that my homeboys are gone to be much better. In fact, people tell me in NYC you’ll be lucky to rinse even a single drink from a guy. So I’m thinking this whole mama’s boy phenomenon is very much global.

    Glad even from a male perspective you can agree that men are becoming lazier. It is sad and I think their mama’s have a lot to answer for. But it’s not all their fault. I think a lot has to do with society and our warped idea of equality. Equality is great and all…but I think men are supposed to be better at certain things, but now they no longer feel the need to be good at these things, provide for their families (because you know in places like the UK, the state will do it for them), etc and as a result its us ladies that have to MAN UP and do everything. I think in someways we have it way worse today than our grandmothers did.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Witty and beautiful post! My handful of Match.com dates were funny for sure. A few did not even attempt to open a door or even walk me back to my car. Then, a couple were perfect gentlemen. One, I even dated for several months, which in hind sight was a few too long. Nonetheless, I did learn something. I learned I needed to step back at times and let him be the man. I was so used to doing things for myself that I would walk right up to the door and not even give him a chance to open it. Now, I pause a little, and give him the chance to be the prince and he does it with a smile. Of course, this would not have worked for some that I dated. I was just fortunate enough to find a fairytale:)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for commenting. I’m glad to hear there are still some nice old-fashioned men in the world. That don’t need us to boost their fragile egos and stroke their hair while they cry because they lost their computer game 😉

      But there is proof that I’m not talking nonsense. Even in Disney movies now, like Frozen, the sisters are doing it for themselves because either we have been forced to become capable of saving ourselves because the men no longer can !

      Enjoy your happily ever after.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I you do not speak nonsense. I have seen it and believe your words. My prayer is that there are still princes out there. And, I hope that I have instilled some princely qualities in my son: open doors, be a gentleman, be kind, listen, and treat her respectfully. We watched many a Disney movies when he was young. I hope he got some things from them too. 🙂 I will enjoy every second of my romance and let each moment be a happily ever after the next. Thanks!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I think that part of the reason that there’s a distinct lack of “alpha” men available is because you don’t necessarily have to embody the self-reliant man to be attractive. If say, 25 years ago, you needed to be successful, smart, charming, funny, attractive, and not vulgar to find a girl you’d find that more men would embody “alpha” qualities. Today, all you need to do is send a text inviting a girl over and odds are fairly good she’ll sleep with you. Most men will only do the bare minimum, and since the bar for bare-minimum acceptable dating practices is so low, we’ve got a generation (or two) of men who will put .000001% of effort into dating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yup. For sure the ladies lowering their standards has a huge part to play in all this as well. So many woman have become OK with being the breadwinner that they don’t mind him sitting around being ‘a house husband’.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I do feel sorry for men because they must feel left out that there is no such thing as “Men’s right”.I was watching a Princess Diana documentary recently. A dream come true to marry a prince? Yes. But the pressure of image that will then over-shadow the Prince…..
    I am anxious if I date a mama’s boy that I will either have 2 mothers who insists on mothering or smothering me too or an enemy who will give me dirty looks or comments like “should you be wearing that? should you be eating that? should you be here?”. I have my mum to say that to me. No need for another grown woman to tell me I am a disappointment
    Tinder. I’m still a virgin for this. From what I understand the guys expect so much ie sex. Maybe I’m wrong.
    Anyway, is it wrong to want a dream man but let me be myself, when a man would also want a dream girl but he wants to be himself. Is this what you call double standards or hypocrisy?

    Liked by 1 person

    • 1. I think it’s hard to talk about ‘men’s rights’ because they are in a better position than us, so they set the standard and we have to strive for equality. Even though women are still oppressed in many spheres, men are still crying like babies for the few things we have over them…e.g look at paternity leave.

      2. LOL. When I speak of Prince Charming…I think I’m leaning towards Harry, rather than his boring father or brother. Poor Di.

      3. Just stay away from the mama’s boys. None of us will ever meet her standards.

      4. Tinder is known as a hook-up app, but as long as you set your standards and stick to them it’s all good. Men can ‘expect’ whatever, doesn’t mean they’ll get it. I ‘expect’ it to rain champagne every Friday, it doesn’t happen. Sorry boys.

      5. Always aim high. Its better than settling for some old grandpa from an Afghan village 😉


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.