Time and time again, trashy novels and Hollywood movies like to pollute our fragile little minds with the concept of unrequited love – where one party really loves the other but these feelings are never reciprocated. Yes, it is dreadfully painful when that James Dean look-a-like you’ve been crushing on since 1996 won’t respond to your messages but really aren’t we getting a bit ahead of ourselves – can ‘love’ ever truly be unrequited and is this concept nothing more than a little school girl crush which we will all eventually grow out of?
We’ve all been there. Possibly even on both sides of the story. We’ve all crushed on someone we can’t have for various reasons – perhaps he has a wife and kids and wants you as nothing more than his Ashley Madison bit on the side or perhaps she is just emotionally unavailable? Some of us may have also experienced this unnecessary kind of affection – the guy that sends you beautiful bouquets of flowers and comes running to rescue you when your car breaks down but his presence in any form only serves to make your skin crawl and you just want to trash those stupid flowers, save yourself the headache that comes from listening to his whiny little voice and just fork out for a mechanic to come out a fix that rust bucket car!
In some instances, if the object of your desire, isn’t interested in you but still has the decency to nip this thing in the bud. Hopefully, you’ll get the subtle hint (e.g. him telling you your far too much of a nice girl and stroking your hair till you fall asleep) and bow out elegantly without making a complete fool out of yourself (crying in the street and throwing rocks at his head). If that doesn’t work, maybe he’d be brave enough to tell you straight and deal with the subsequent fall out.
However, as we work our way through this treacherous thing that they call life, we learn that things are rarely so clear cut and this world is not such a fairytale place. Firstly, everyone has their own ulterior motives. People can be mean – they see your ‘love’ for them coming from a mile off and they see how to use it for their own ends – maybe they like the idea of driving around in your snazzy Porsche or just want another notch of their bedpost? And some people just like attention and being pursued is a nice boost for their ego.
On the flipside, as #zlotybaby said in her post about ‘the one that got away’, we tell ourselves lies that make us feel better when relationships don’t go as planned. Even though he really is just not that into you and everyone except you can see those glaring RED flags (e.g. your friend gets him engaged in a conversation about how much he still misses his ex, but you are too busy groping the elder to see this as a potential problem). There are also times when we become so misguided by our lust that we convince ourselves that we have the power to change reality… the dude may even tell you straight that he is no Prince Charming but know better, right?
Whatever the case, here are a few things that should be kept in mind:
- There is no LOVE to speak of in these situations – it’s just a little crush driving us to do crazy things.
- We need to watch out for the red flags and realise that there are somethings that just can’t be changed, no matter how hard we try – therefore we just need to let go.
- When we are in ‘love’ we are vulnerable and unscrupulous individuals will take advantage of that.
- Egos will be bruised regardless and it’s likely to be painful. However mature we say we are the truth is we will always wonder why we weren’t good enough for so and so.
- And lastly, It’s OK to let this ‘crush’ run its course, but understand that no amount of wishful thinking will ever make them want us. And at the end of the day, even these hard experiences serve a purpose.
Finally Rinsers its over to you. Is this concept of unrequited love real or nothing more than a crush? Can anything good ever come from such a thing? Share your feelings in the comments below.