To have or not to have… children

Back in the days there was no choice. You got married and you gave birth, getting pregnant way too often taking into account the number of intercourses you had. Then a miraculous invention called efficient contraception changed the world and now we can ask ourselves whether we even want to have children.

First of all, I really think it should be a personal decision. Your mother may be dreaming to hear the noise of little feet again but if you don’t feel like you are ready for such a step yet or don’t think you’ll ever be ready for it, don’t let anyone pressure you. It’s your life that will change because of the kid, hers will be only minimally influenced by it. Similarly if you want kids and your partner doesn’t and you’re both quite stuck in your ways, maybe it’s a good idea to rethink your relationship. After all, you’re not getting any younger. Tick tock, tick tock.

I don’t really believe all these people that threaten you with dying on your own if you don’t have children. We all die on our own, even if surrounded by people. Modern children also care for their elders less. Maybe there’s something in letting parents spend time surrounded by their peers rather they trap them in a joint family household with unfulfilled expectations towards each other. Besides, even if it was true and a life without children meant a horrible, lonely death, I don’t think fear is ever a good motivation in life. People should rather be guided by their positive feelings, including self-love, in such big decisions.

When people should have children then? When and if THEY want them. As with any other desire sometimes our drive is stronger than reason. This is fine too because from my experience and observations if there’s a will, there’s a way. In other words all my friends who got baby crazy at some point, even if objectively the timing was far from perfect, managed to solve whatever problems they had. If you, however, let others make choices for you and get pregnant because others think it’s right, you’ll only have yourself to blame if you end up an unfulfilled mother of two constantly frustrated with her offspring that I believe should (mostly) be the source of joy. I don’t necessarily think that motherhood is for everyone as nothing ever makes everyone happy.

To sum up, I don’t think having children is generally good or bad. It’s a personal matter and it can be a brilliant choice for some and a constant ordeal for others. People should make their choices based on their personal beliefs and not let others pressurize them.

So Dear Rinsers, what do you think? Should one have children just because it is “the right thing to do”? Or should we be allowed to make our own choices and not be judged regardless of what we decide?