An Ugly Heart – Does Bitterness Effect Your Attractiveness?



“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

― Roald Dahl, The Twits

Life is hard. Whether it’s unemployment, lack of job satisfaction, loneliness or being unhappy in a relationship – we all have problems. These things can take their toll on a person. And sure some people certainly have it worse than others. But it’s often the way people deal with their problems that is important. Some people understand that life is unfair but they choose to look at the positives and try to find ways to overcome their issues and then there are some that constantly complain, feel that the world is plotting against them and say everyone else has it easy. At the end of the day, it’s all about having a positive mental attitude.

Anyway, getting back to the point of my post. Have you ever noticed how a person’s attitude has a direct impact upon their looks/attractiveness? Sure, the definition of what is ‘pretty’ varies depending a number of things such as where you are in the world, the point in history and your social grouping. Regardless of how we define beauty – can a person who is bitter and constantly complaining ever be really attractive to a member of the opposite sex? Well, maybe if they too are miserable, they’d get along perfectly whinging about the world for evermore and living miserably ever after. But who really wants that?

Let me draw on some of my own real life experiences here. I once had this ‘friend’ who had a tough start in life and a handful of bad relationships which resulted in a distrust of people and the male variety in particular. Fine, you could say each to their own. Everyone has a right to dislike whoever they want. But you see, this ‘ugly heart’ attitude doesn’t stop there. I find that it permeates through into every aspect of the person’s life – they are constantly critical of everyone around them, when they see a person fail they like to say ‘I told you so’. At the end of the day, despite having nice clothes, lovely hair and great skin, the negative attitude simply served to alienate everybody, especially the group she despised most – MEN!

On the flipside, I’ve also know (NB still know) people who despite not being what society would define as ‘pretty’ continually to manage to attract nice people and have happy, healthy relationships.  Because these people have good self-esteem and are comfortable in their own skin they seem to exude unprecedented amounts of happiness (despite all the bad things life throws at them) and because of their good energy EVERYONE wants to be their friend. While the Tindeverse may swipe left of these folk because of their wonky noses, chubby cheeks and crooked smile in the real world (the place that really matters) everyone just sees sunbeams and thinks they are lovely.

To conclude, I know the world isn’t so black and white and even the ‘happy hearts’ have bad times but you get my point. If one chooses to focus on the negative aspects of their life and wallow in self-pity this bitterness eventually infiltrates their heart essentially making them not just unattractive but overwhelmingly unloveable (to everyone except perhaps the dog – and as #zlotybaby once said ‘of course these sentient beings will love anyone who gives them food!’). As for myself, let’s just say I’m working on it – thankfully my experiences with ‘Ugly Hearts’ has taught me that no amount of heartbreak should make me a hater of men, and although some of the blokes I’ve met on my adventures have made me roll my eyes, for now I’ll just laugh it off and keep on swiping because ultimately it’s a choice between happily ever after or life as a sad spinster.

Dear Rinsers – Have you ever met, or dated, a person with a pretty face but an ugly heart or vice-versa? Do you think that a person’s attitude to life and relationships has a direct impact on their attractiveness? Answers and stories in the comments below.


  1. Wow where do I begin ? I knew a woman once many years ago at work who was BEAUTIFUL… guys married or not would stare drool you name it but few would ever talk to her and I couldn’t understand why until…we crossed paths at work one day and I ask how are you doing ?oh my god …it was depressing her life was one tragic event after another and was very negative and what a let down…I found out why no one talked to her and like I said she was BEAUTIFUL…negativity took away her attractiveness

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment and sharing that story.

      Have you ever found that it works the other way as well? Sometimes we are intimidated about talking to people we consider traditionally beautiful because we feel like they may look down on us and then they turn out to be the most down to earth person ever.

      Sometimes you can have it all – beauty inside and out!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Negative, bitter, whining people are hard to find attractive after the first date or two. (Or just to hang out with as friends.) Sure we all fuss and feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. That’s normal, but when all you do is complain and hate and fuss…it takes a strong person to want to listen to that all day. So regardless of your looks, if you are ugly inside…I think it is only a matter of time before you are alone. No one has time for constant ugliness! And let’s face it, you can’t change the past, only the present. So if life sucked yesterday, chalk it up to experience and a lesson learned and a bad dream or two. If it sucks today…do something different to change it. But stop doing the same crap and expecting things to change.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yess! Totally.
    Just one thing (not related to the point of the post, actually) – can we please all remember that life is most certainly NOT a choice between “happily ever after or life as a sad spinster”?? Some people choose relationships. Many of them choose relationships which are a far cry from happy, most certainly not ever after. And some people choose to remain single. And there is nothing sad about that. And some people are single, maybe not necessarily by choice, but they may still, as you say, “have good self-esteem and are comfortable in their own skin they seem to exude unprecedented amounts of happiness”. There is nothing sad about that either. (Hashtag stop single shaming ;-)) – I know many people in relationships but few in very good ones, and many, many happy single people.

    (Ok, sorry for the long rant which was entirely unrelated to the post, but I just thought it was an unfortunate ending to a lovely post).

    Liked by 3 people

    • Rant away! We like rants on this blog! I’ll try to write a post on happily single!

      Maybe it’s just me being indoctrinated by society and Disney fairytales and that’s why I feel the need to find that Princess Charming and live happily ever after! But, I do agree that there are many that put up the facade of happily ever after – husband, kids, house in the suburbs – but they are not truly happy! So yes, happily single can exist!


  4. This is true, and sadly so. I can relate, it happened to me. I have to try every day to choose the “not an ugly heart” path.
    Human beings are not inherently nasty, our purpose is to seek out love and give love in return.
    It is when this love, is taken for granted that we change.
    Sadly, not many ever recover and so we are left with the scattered souls and broken pieces of once beautiful loving people, struggling to find a heart that matches what was once theirs.
    But, as people who have been hurt and as people who have had their heart broken, it is not our place to judge, as we would hate for that to be done to us.

    On the other hand…some people are just assholes…and their black hearts are borne out of choice, not chance…


    • Sure, sometimes its not a clear cut ugly heart/pretty heart … most of us do have to constantly work at it. Bad things happen to everyone and sometimes you can’t blame a person for being angry and bitter at the world but I guess its up to each individual how they choose to let it effect them

      And yes, as we get older everyone comes with baggage/issues but its about not having those things consume you, I think.

      Thanks for your comment 🙂


  5. I heard a great line today…words are seeds. It was from Joel Osteen’s blog post for today. I think people have become bitter in general and it does show on their face and their bodies as well. You have to search for the good, and be grateful. I know it’s an art, but worth honing and owning.
    I’m a happy single person more or less. I have problems and troubles like everyone, but there’s so much joy to be had in life.
    I know so many couples who are miserable. A real ad for staying alone. They stay together out of laziness and fear of losing the house, the two-car garage. They cheat, lie, and don’t cuddle or kiss anymore.

    Life’s short. Like Marianne Williamson says, “When I’m about to check out, I don’t want to think, wow, I missed it.”

    Writing rocks, so you’re already at the head of the line.

    Susannah Bianchi


  6. I’ve dated a man with an ugly heart, glad to say that relationship lasted all bout a month. We have a saying back home that we use to keep kids inline, rudeness brings ugliness. Which means if you’re a rude child, you’ll be an ugly child. The same goes for adults, ugly heart results in unattractiveness, it’s as if you wear your ugliness on your face. Great post!


  7. My one cent .. When we talk about beauty, there are many alspects to that. One can have a beautiful physique, a beautiful smile, a beautiful face, a beautiful heart. I do think that someone who is rude and obnoxiouw can look beautiful. Although over time Ive definitely seen some outward manifestations of inward ugliness. However, Ive known some absolutely gorgeous Grade A Bitches and known Men that are GQ quality and total assholes. And women that are sweethearts, but just not attractive. Usually For me, I can see it in someones “demeanor”, the way they speak and in their eyes. – Mark

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I once knew a very attractive woman, gifted in the art of psychology and mind games (i was one of her victims) the rest being history. Seeing a photo of her after 10+ years, her appearance completely deteriorated. So, yes, I do believe that your face is a reflection of your heart and your thoughts also takes its toll in your level of attractiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

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