The Curse of the Alpha Female


Let me start by saying that I still have faith that in the world of Donald Trump there are still a lots of decent guys that don’t need sexually assault us to make themselves feel like BIG MEN. However, I do feel one of the biggest things that recent political developments has shown us that the world isn’t all that fond of powerful women (or in the case of the UK – they only want a chick in charge when it comes to clearing up the mess created by the BIG MEN). In today’s post I want to talk about the Curse of the Alpha Female aka the problems of being a 21st century woman who is capable of holding her own with the boys.

First things first. Yes, woman fought tirelessly to gain equal rights to men in terms of things like education and suffrage. But in some ways woman were also forced to become more powerful because they had no other option but to step up in a world full of deadbeat dads,  and generally useless men. So lets get things straight – the Alpha Female doesn’t wear the trousers in the relationship because she necessarily wants to, in most cases its because she has to.

We all know that the fairer sex is the brighter as well with numbers of women pursuing and completing higher education outnumbering men quite dramatically (in the Western world). You’d think having an education and providing your date with stimulating conversation would be a good thing but the truth is often men end up feeling emasculated by intelligent/career-driven women – you’ll often find them yawning and trying to change the subject away from politics and conversations about the meaning of life and more towards football, 9/11 conspiracy theories or their favourite sexual positions (be warned they’ll try to dress it up as banter but its NOT!).

OKCupid did this analysis and they found that the women that got the most attention were Asians (‘Chinese’/ ‘Indian’ looking). Why? Well, apparently these women are seen as more likely to be subservient. For some reason, this little stat got stuck in my head and now whenever a guy tells me he has a thing for ‘Indian’ chicks I feel like pewking in my mouth. For what it’s worth, this ‘Indian’ chick hails from the East End of London and my Brit upbringing means that they’ll be in for a surprise if they are looking for submissive. Like myself, there are lots of liberated young women these days who (unless they’ve already lost the will to live thanks to a meeting with the dude’s mummy) aren’t going to sit silently and smile while some guy spews his bigoted views on her.  But sadly ladies, apparently having a mind of your own isn’t going to necessarily bag you that man!

Even those of us who don’t consider ourselves to be raging feminists still probably exhibit certain attributes of an Alpha Female and that’s probably why dating has become such a chore. Womankind as a whole is becoming stronger and more independent. Most of us are no longer reliant on our fathers or husbands and as such aren’t willing to pander to the needs of some bloke or worry about denting their fragile egos. For most women, a successful guy who is passionate about what he does is attractive and you’d think the same should be the same in reverse. A strong woman it seems has the power to emasculate most of the guys.

So, the solution to this dating problem. Well luckily, the Alpha Female is a tenacious character and of course there are a few that’ll resign them to spinsterhood but most of us know better than to give up on things, including the search for the right partner. Thankfully, there are still some good men out there that are comfortable enough in their own skin not to be intimidated by a woman’s success but instead are drawn to that independent spirit. So the key here is not toning yourself down or downplaying your achievements in order to get the guy but to look for someone who encourages you to continue to achieve great things instead of feeling threatened. It’s also important to remember that ‘success’ and ‘intelligence’ are relative terms and mean different things to different people and relationships aren’t a competition. Maybe one person earns more money or has more PhDs than another  but that doesn’t make them any better equipped to deal with the challenges that the world throws their way and once your get past all the superficiality what we may actually need is someone who is able to complement our skills set rather than being our mirror image.

Alrighty Rinsers. Over to you. What are your thoughts on Alpha Females? Are you a strong, independent, successful woman  who has experienced issues when it comes to dating because of your achievements? Guys, do you find woman that may be more successful/’intelligent’ than you intimidating or attractive?











  1. Loaded post. I think it’s a case to case thing. You can’t that all alpha females emasculate their male counter parts and not all men are threatened by alpha females. I was with someone who actually was a alpha female and even asked me if I wanted to be a kept man…tempting offer but ultimately I have to be my own man. I wasn’t threatened by her but more and more I felt I was being made in to someone else. It wasn’t about being insecure.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I didn’t say all men were emasculated. I said that a lot of men to get intimidated by women who are more intelligent, accomplished, career-driven than them so it’s harder for women to find men who we can relate too – and there are stats to back this up. And I think that the best couples aren’t necessarily mirror images of one another but have skills that compliment each other so they can be a great power couple rather than one alpha and one useless person!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I just read this morning, an article about why Hillary lost and it said it’s because she’s an alpha female. I strongly disagree on that. They lost because the people had no trust in her among other things.

    What are my thoughts on Alpha Females? Hmm, I’m most certain the term “Alpha Male” coined by a guy who was challenged by a female. I don’t believe in Alpha Females or Males. Like OTHER animals we have different personalities some of us are leaders, some are followers, some a dreamers, some are doers and some are just full of bullshit :p . But why do I have to be labelled simply because a guy finds me unattractively non-submissive? Strong, independent, successful- every female were born with these traits, however, for one reason or another, she was overwhelmed by life, obligations and possibly a male who knew this but fought hard to suppress those qualities in her. While on the same token all of the above mentioned can magnify in a woman because she feels it’s her only mode of survival. She either saw women around her being taken advantage of because they were quote-unquote weak, or she herself has experienced some kind of hurt. So now she feels the only way to avoid being hurt again is to magnify her true qualities.

    I’ve been called an alpha female among other things :p But that’s who I am. I have all of the above characteristics. But it doesn’t mean I’m always wearing the trousers.

    As for Asian women being submissive, I’d be the first to tell you that is a myth. I Asian friends, both males and females, we’ve had that discussion more than once. They both male/female feel the whole thing came up from watching movies where the Asian woman is always portrayed as the silent submission type and people not understanding the Asian culture. Just as black women are always portrayed as mad, angry or supersonic independent!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, there are a lot of reasons why Hilary lost and I don’t totally agree with it being to do with her being female. However, Trump showed his sexist (racist, back water) colours and yet people brushed this aside and voted for him 😛 Regardless, we still see fewer women as CEOs or state leaders – and that says something about society’s perception of women.

      Of course nobody wants to be labelled but the truth is women are becoming more independent across the board – some because they want to and others because they have to because there is no other option.

      The OKCupid stats are reflective of our sterotypes of different people. It doesn’t actually mean that Asian women are more submissive, just that they are seen to be and this is attractive trait for men. Obviously is a globalized world we are all exposed to much more and there is a blurring between cultures so even if a guy goes for an Asian woman just because of his stereotypes of her ethnicity the chances are he will get more than what he is bargaining for.

      I don’t think all hope is lost though there are still decent men out there that aren’t intimidated by a woman’s success or ambition. We just have to search harder for them.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Don’t get me stated on Trump, I’ve had to come out of character so many times in the week than ever before.
        Where I’m from there are women CEOs, bosses and leaders. But that is still no gender equality, women in leadership roles are still paid less than men in the same roles. I call it the Neanderthal effect, where men continue to think like the cave men where they believe women should be bashed over their heads and dragged into the cave.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Yeah. I would be interested to see if the result had been different if it had been Michelle (or another woman) standing in the election against this imbecile man. We’d see then if it was just a male/female thing or whether the US electorate really did hate Hilary for her politics rather than just for being an Alpha Female!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I think too much is expected from ladies, some say that we’re too weak and others say that we’re too strong. I think that only a strong man can handle a strong woman. So no little girl should be scared of growing up into an alpha female… Being strong isn’t a bad thing

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yep I agree with you. I also find in many cases guys seem to want the best of both worlds. They want a woman who is strong and independent and can pay her own way so isn’t dependent on them BUT they also want her to be subservient and take on the lady role in the relationship. Its not going to happen. Times have changed.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can somewhat relate: I finished my bachelor’s degree before my ex, so I was able to enter the workforce sooner. After a couple months, he began picking up extra shifts at his part time job, not to cover his own expenses, but to be the one to pay for dinner whenever we went out. I expressed to him that it wasn’t necessary, but I think he wanted to be the bread winner of the relationship. It was pretty childish actually… great post!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I met a great (but married) guy this week that renewed my faith that not all men are suffering from some massive identity issues… responsibility and a sense of self just doesn’t seem to be top characteristics associated with many guys I met. The great (but married) guy shared stories about how he pursued his wife; how he proposed; how he quit his job (got one with way better hours) when he found out they were having a child; how he does all the cooking and most of the cleaning… It wasn’t just the actions, but it was his attitude and confidence that he knew who he was and took responsibility for himself. These kind of guys like “alpha females,” but my definition might be slightly different. Yes they are accomplished and intelligent. However, it is more about self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-actualization that defines an alpha female. Too often I hear that alpha females are the ultra-competitive, lone wolf, dominating women.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love great (but married) guy! He sounds awesome. I don’t think all alphas female are those raging feminists but I do think most chicks these days do have a bit alpha us – probably why so many of us is still single! I think these days for most of us its a case of wanting a man (the right one) rather than needing one.


  6. Sometimes when I meet guys I feel bad talking about places I’ve travelled and things I’ve studied, especially when I gather that they are not all that interested/haven’t had the same opportunities. It’s hard to know how to play it because the intention is not to make someone feel little or to brag about these things but actually just to share how your stories…doesn’t always work out that way though. Often people (of both sexes) feel intimidated by the other but I think it is important to keep an open mind – you can learn things and have new experiences with everyone!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Great read! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Prior to being happily married to my wonderful husband who loves me for all my flaws and achievements alike, I was part of the crazy dating scene where I heard everything from “Why are you so focused on our career? Couldn’t you have done a NORMAL job like xyz instead of doing blahblahblah” (basically trying to steer me away from my life and career passions to “You’re such a Renaissance Woman and you just have TOO many interests”.
    Basically, women–and men–just have to do what’s best for themselves. People will always be intimidated when they are insecure of themselves–gender aside. People need to educate and empower themselves and take ownership of who they are, where they’ve been, where they’re going, and how they will achieve it.

    Naysayers be damned—and hell hath no fury like a woman (~or man, whatever) — scorned!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the post and hope you keep following us.

      I think you hit the nail on the head with your point about insecurities. We all have them but we shouldn’t let them hamper our chances of happiness…if the other party isn’t being horrible and making us feel bad about our shortcomings we really shouldn’t allow these things stand in the way of the relationship. But I guess traditional gender roles make this easier said than done.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hillary lost the election (in my opinion) because eleven days before the election, the FBI re-opened the investigation and that caused a panic with voters, which it should have. I liked at the debate when Trump said what he liked about Hillary was that she never gave up and that he respected that – I did not like Hillary’s answer where all she could think of was Trump’s role as a parent and thought she could have come out and said something more attributable to character.

    An Alpha female is only for a select type of guy – most could not handle and I would think it would be considered a turn-off for anyone who was insecure as Kelly mentioned above. It has only been less than a hundred years really where women were even allowed to be on the same playing field as a man in certain countries and both sexes I think are getting used to that balance – it probably was much easier before when women had no choice but to be subservient. The Asian culture is far more subservient in that regard than American culture, and I know many business associates that opt for that all the time. However, I always tell my girlfriends if you want to lose a guy, go Alpha…the only problem is if you accidentally trigger an Omega…but the chances of that are relatively low, but if you have an extreme as one sided as Alpha, it would take an Omega to balance it which is generally why such women have a harder time finding “the one” but just be true to yourself and the right one always comes along!

    My guess is American women would be the worst in the Alpha female department but could be wrong!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Yes, definitely some countries/cultures are further ahead in terms of equality/women’s rights but I wonder if all these advancements are necessarily a good thing in the grand scheme of things (I personally, think men have become lazier as a result of the increase in Alpha females – I mean is there really any point being the breadwinner when your sugar mamma can support your lazy ass!). So part of me does wonder whether the Western model is the one to follow or whether it has downsides as well, especially in terms of dating?


      • EnglishRosiee, I wouldn’t disagree with your observation. I also see an increased pressure on males as a result of it in the sense of learning how to be more emotional and helping out more in the domestic tasks usually attributed to women. For a long time, women ran the home and men were breadwinners, but did not have the time to develop relationships with their children or have says that mother’s normally do. I see that as a growing experience for males just as I do women. Of course, if you watch Jurassic Park, one of my favorite lines is:

        Dr. Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.

        Dr. Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.

        I don’t believe in that philosophy, but find it funny – however, such cultures somewhat shifts the dynamics and gives the sexes the opportunities to have a glimpse of the other’s burdens to bear: for women, more pressure on the physical breadwinner role and men more pressure on the emotional domestic role.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sure, some men are starting to help out with the child rearing and domestic chores. But many still also want the best of both worlds – they want their lady to bring home the bacon and cook it too! I think that’s where the problem lies.


      • That would not be a mutual relationship of which most people operate – 50/50 – of which they should. It depends on the motives of the two individuals that enter into the relationship, but the old saying goes you cannot have your cake and eat it too. But wisdom comes from learning what the cake is to the other person. For me, it is knowledge.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Believe it or not, many women in the business field do have men that cook and do the laundry – it’s all about balance of what works for them – I find the past arrangements for kids are two couples who work part time and both make time to spend with their children without leaving it to one parent – if two parents are working full-time that can be difficult for kids, but it just depends on the dynamics – I see what works for one person fail in one situation and excel in the other so there is no real rhyme or reason to it other than establishing what is best for the two people in the relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

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