Today on RinseBeforeUse we have a special guest post from one of our longtime loyal followers – BklynBoy59. He regularly airs his views about love, relationships and related issues on his blog – One Man’s Opinion. Check it out if you are in need of some motivation.
In his guest post he provides some insights into what he wished he’d known about love in his 20s. We have no doubt his advice will come in handy for some of you young things out there.
Enjoy
We want so bad when we are younger to be grown. We think we know how life is supposed to be, we have all the answers yet we know none of the questions. Yet we fall in love or we think we are in love.
So here are the 5 things I wish I knew about love at 20 before I embarked on my adventures of the heart…
1.Know Yourself
One thing I can say for sure …I wish I knew ME at 20. As odd as it sounds we think we know who we are at 20…so if you think you know who you are at 20 then you think you know love. Wrong.
2. Love Will Test You
At 20 I wish I would have taken more time to understand how the depths of love are tested in a young relationship. And I am not talking about infidelity I am talking about surviving and thriving th growing pains of love. The early parts are fun boy meets girl gets number dates girl …that part is fun. It’s when things get serious that is when the depths of love get tested.
3.Your Type Will Change As You Mature
I wish I knew what type of person I really was attracted to. Who you date at 20 especially if you end up marrying that person is not the same person in the later years , you are not the same person at that point. I am not the same person now as I was at 20. I wish I could go back in time and have a long talk with my 20 year old self.
4. Making Money (and Spending It Wisely) is Important in a Relationship
I wish I understood the value of money in a relationship when I was 20. I worked hard then now I work smart and value my time and money when I set out to do something. You might think this has nothing to do with love …but it does. Even the best relationships have a better relationship when both are making money and are resposibile with that money.
5. Listen To Your Gut, Not You Heart
I wish I listened more to my gut about love and less about my heart. Your gut will tell you one thing your heart over rides common sense and gets you to do crazy things that will convince you that you are in love …when in fact you are infatuated.
So Rinsers, What do you think about @bklynboy15’s insights. Are they similar to yours? From your personal experience what would you wish you’d known at 20? Would it have saved you some heartache? Get talking in the comments below.
If you’d like to be featured as a guest blogger on RinseBeforeUse let us know in the comments or get in touch via email – rinsebeforeuse@gmail.com alternatively hit up our DMs on one of our many social media channels.
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I’m certainly grateful that I didn’t marry the guy I dated at 20!
I wish young people listened more to more experienced people when they’re in their 20’s. Perhaps it’s also up to older people to talk to younger people in a compassionate way (like, for instance, in this post) rather than in a patronising know-it-all manner. All I can say is that I’m being tested now dealing with my 19 year old sister…
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First thank you for the compliment, second many times we are told that maybe a certain path isn’t the way to go and yet we think we know it all yet we know little to nothing. True maybe a kinder approach would help but even better a willing listener is better. How are you fairing with your sister?
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I think both sides should try to do better. You need two to tango, as they say.
It’s complicated with my sister as she’s completely different than me. She’s a bit too obsessed with finding a husband and getting a kid and I’d like her to first enjoy her life a little bit before that happens. However, ultimately the choices are hers 🙂
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There is a lot I wished older people had told me when I was younger.
When I was young, it really was a case of I’ll take anyone who is willing to give me a chance rather than actually figuring out what I wanted. Or maybe I am just getting fussier with age.
I was also led to believe that only the pretty girls will get the guy, which is really not true.
I’m not saying teenagers would change the way they do things, if people forewarned them – sometimes you do have to get burned in order to fully understand. However, it would be nice if our perspectives were moulded a bit better by people with more experience. It would have saved me a lot of time and heartache, I think!
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Question to you,do you think you would have listened if they said to you not to date a certain type of guy?
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No, that’s very unlikely. I would have needed to date each of my exes to have learnt a lesson. And none of them were all bad.
I don’t think telling a kid not to date so and so is not helpful. But there are generic pieces of advice which can be applied to situations or behaviours that offer an alternative approach.
For example, if someone told me to stop being obsessed with being skinny and that there really are guys that actually prefer a bit more chubbiness….that might have been useful.
I dunno if you read my review of Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton. It offers loads of good points about things she learnt as she went through different stages and her perspectives on relationships. One of the LOL things she said was don’t waste money on expensive lingerie to impress a man because they won’t notice, if you want to buy to make yourself feel good go for it but guys are more interested in getting it off as quickly as possible! Have to say, I totally agreed!
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so why say I wish somebody had said if you admit you wouldn’t listen anyway???
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There is a difference between saying don’t date so and so and giving more general advice like listen to your gut. I think most young people or actually people in general would think the former is an attack on their choices whereas the latter is more compassionate advice which doesn’t attack any particular person.
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But sometimes people need a little rough advice to wake them up no?
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But we always have ppl telling us our bfs are useless. Even in my 30s I’ve got friends who say I told you so in the aftermath of a breakup. It’s not helpful.
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Maybe the atulein which they say to you your bf is useless is tough to hear but it doesn’t mean they are wrong
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No but it’s easy for people on the outside to talk!
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Because they might have been through what you about to and know it’s not a worthwhile experience and trying to save you the pain of going through it
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I get what you are saying but even if you’ve been through something similar I don’t think telling someone not to date whoever is really helpful – no relationship is ever the same although there maybe some similarities. I think advice would be more likely to be taken if it was given in a more general context is all that I’m saying. Also, if your advice of not to date so-and-so is actually taken, the person may also spend the rest of their life wondering ‘what if…’ and then resent you for encouraging them to end the relationship prematurely.
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If advice is given in a general way then the point of the message is lost.
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Not always. I’ve had many people give me advice with regards to guys in general without targeting. Like the advice if you give in this article – the points you make can really be relevant to anyone and the message is not lost.
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I have a daughter who I have many times given advice to especially about men and have done it the same way I do on here and…she doesn’t listen so my point is sometimes we focus on the noise and not the message. I get what you are saying but I dont often it applies . Usually there is a reason why people say what they do
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Totally get what you are saying. And I think your advice comes from experience but not everyone’s does so it’s also up to the person to decide sensibly if they want to listen. Our chat has got me inspired to write a post which should be up tomorrow or Friday.
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I’ve written this post especially inspired by our conversation. https://rinsebeforeuse.com/2019/07/04/listening-to-advice-vs-making-and-learning-from-your-own-mistakes/
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