5 Reasons Why a Guy Is All Talk No Action

man all talk no action

There’s a new guy in your life and you really like him. He’s handsome, he’s smart, he’s charming. He also says all the right things! The only problem is that all he does is talk. He wouldn’t say such nice things about you and make plans, if he didn’t like you, you think…

Your thinking makes sense from a point of view of a person who’s serious about someone. However, a guy who’s all talk, no action has different reasons for doing what he’s doing. You don’t have to keep wondering why anymore. Here are 5 possible reasons of his behavior:

1. He’s Not That Into You

Unfortunately, sometimes it’s as simple as that. If a guy is all talk no action it may mean that he’s simply not that into you.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re just trying to set up the first date or you’ve been on a few and you’ve already slept together. If a man keeps saying a lot of nice things to you  but his actions contradict what he says he feels, he’s probably not that into you.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you or doesn’t find you attractive. It’s just that you’re not a match strong enough for him to make a proper effort.
If you point out to him that he doesn’t keep his promises, there are many excuses you may hear. They range from reasonable to outrageous depending on what kind of man you’re dealing with. I know it’s convenient for you to believe in them but before you do please remember what I’ll tell you now. Life is about priorities and people make time and find ways to do what’s important to them. If he never has time to see you and cancels on you last minute, that’s because he doesn’t care enough about you.

2. He’s Sexy and He Knows It

It’s nice to have a good looking man by your side. An attractive man just like an attractive woman is often aware of his looks and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, sometimes a good looking man has a very fragile ego and is a narcissist. This doesn’t mean that he loves himself too much but he certainly behaves as if he did (I’ve written more about this issue in my post How We see Ourselves Matters a Lot in Dating).
This kind of guy doesn’t feel he has to keep his word because he’s special enough to do what he wants to, while you should be grateful for his attention when he has time for you. He behaves like he thought he was god’s gift to humanity and wants you to show him incessant adoration and appreciation.
The way to get a man like this is to act needy and show him that he’s the only person that can soothe you. The reason why you should not do it is because living with such a man is super challenging. He reacts to admiration like a moth to a flame so when your relationship matures and you have disagreements, he’ll quickly move on to the next someone who’ll blindly appreciate him.

3. He’s Actually Unavailable

Sometimes the reason why your guy keeps making promises and telling you sweet words but never follows with action can be more difficult to guess. Sure, some dumbasses post their pictures with a wedding ring on Tinder but most involved guys are more subtle than that.
Jip, I’m suggesting that he may be already married or in a relationship! In this case it’s easy for him to promise you a weekend away but to manage to actually do it without his wife or his partner realising is much more difficult. He may even really go away with you but… well, the circumstances aren’t on his side. The morality of being the other woman is something you have to consider for yourself.
In terms of your chances of happily ever after, they’re quite low. Most probably you’ll just have to deal with the painful realities of being the other woman until you have enough. Even if he leaves his wife for you, he may be more likely to do to you what he’s done to her. Have you seen The Wife? Just saying…

4. He Wants You to Chase Him

There’s a certain kind of man for whom going quiet or not doing what he said what he was going to do is to check whether YOU care enough to follow up on it. In other words, he wants you to chase him.
A man like this is insecure and doesn’t manage to hide it. Often he’s a “nice guy” who was initially scared to make a move on you and acted only after you made it VERY clear it was safe to do so and he wouldn’t get rejected.
With this type of guy, if you don’t do what he expects you to do (= send a follow up message), you’ll get an angry call or a message from him with emotionally loaded blaming. We’re talking here about something along the lines of “I was really looking forward to do XYZ with you but seeing that you don’t care to check whether we’re still on…”, after which you’ll have a lot of explaining to do!
Dating an insecure person of this sort is a nightmare because you have to keep reassuring him that your feelings for him are real. They can’t handle any, even the most loving, criticism and constantly make a victim of themselves.
My relationship with a person like this ended somewhere between him cursing the Universe for its unfairness because “other men are fat but don’t have men boobs” and him almost crying at my suggestion of a sex game where he pretends to be a stranger (“Why would you want to sleep with a stranger? Don’t you love ME?”).
Sounds fun? I don’t think so. Listen to aunt #zlotybaby and run for the hills now!

5.  You’re One of Many

One thing is when a guy is hiding the fact that he’s married or in a different kind of a relationship, another if you’re being played along with many other women. There’s a number of new dating trends 2019 but most probably he’s just trying to keep his options open.
A guy like this would often have an astonishing number of female friends and keep in touch with all his exes too. He’ll be even open with you about it to some extent. If you saw his picture on Facebook with a different girl and you asked him how come was he out with her if the two of you were supposed to meet up, he’d tell you it was and old friend he didn’t have an opportunity to catch up with for ages. What he’d leave out is that they have sex during such catch-ups…
Remember that you’re not one of testers to sample before buying. If you see a guy for a few times but he just keeps seeing “female friends” instead of doing what he’s planned to do with you send him to hell.

It’s never nice to be rejected by someone you like, I get it. Unfortunately, it’s not enough for you to want to be with him, he needs to want it too. When the guy you’re into doesn’t keep his word, there’s no point in forcing things. He’s probably doing it because of one of the five reasons I’ve enumerated and all of them would just lead to more tears from your side in future.
If they want to leave you, let them. Don’t follow up on unkept promises, don’t call him on his bullshit. Let him go and play his games somewhere else.

Which reason do you think makes the guy you’re dealing with all talk and not action? Have you met many guys like this? The comments’ section is there for you to complain!



  1. I scrolled through really quick before reading in-depth to see which number I am, I’m not scared to admit that I’m a shaky number 4 who isn’t happy about it! Lol. A guys perspective on this list would, of course, be a little different but you’ve nailed down a lot of archetypes. I wouldn’t say I want a woman to CHASE me, but I do need some sort of affirmative from them before I start the chase myself. It’s fear and weakness, I don’t deny that. It’s a visceral fear, though. Not something you can really talk yourself out of. When I approach a woman I’ve never met to speak with her (I don’t anymore this is hypothetical at this point) my mind goes blank, my eyes lose focus, and my heart starts beating a million miles a minute. The instinct to flee kicks in, I say something stupid and short, and I walk away. It is SO sexy, let me tell you.

    The problem with us “nice guys” is we are this way for a reason and we expect the whole world to be understanding of that reason, without realizing that nobody actually cares about anybody’s past! People care about where you are and in some cases where you’re going, but never where you’ve been. I won’t bore you with my theory as to why I think I am the way I am, but I am making efforts to change.

    With some success, too. I’m slowly adopting parts of Mr. 2 in my life, thanks to an abundance of chemical confidence (legally prescribed, don’t worry!) as well as some new hobbies that have made me very confident in my intelligence. I’m starting to talk to women more, just the ones already in my vicinity right now but it’s a start, and that is boosting my confidence even more. I’m complimented by them frequently because of how much weight I’ve lost so that helps too. What I’ve learned is that there is SOME truth to the saying that women are attracted to confidence. Too much confidence is a bad thing and confidence isn’t the only piece of the puzzle, but as I gain more it’s building upon itself in a cascade effect.

    I don’t know where I was going with this other than “you’re right”. Haha

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess there are degrees to each of the enumerated types – for instance, a guy who plays ALL the ladies and the one who just can’t decide between three etc 😉

      Number 4 is a funny one because of a lot of valuable people fall somewhere into this category. As a former female equivalent of number 4 I can say that this is something one must work on. You seem to be doing exactly that so that’s great.
      I think you nail it here: “The problem with us “nice guys” is we are this way for a reason and we expect the whole world to be understanding of that reason…”. So yes, shy/insecure people often have good reasons to be that way but at the end of the day no one cares about the reasons but about what they see.
      If a girl is shy and needs a LOT of encouragement from a guy to show and believe he actually fancies here to show him she fancies him back, she misses out on guys who really fancy her but are also a bit shy. She’ll go for a very confident guy, though, so often for a number 2 or 5. Not great when you’re looking for something real! A guy who’s shy and/or insecure is in an even more difficult situation because often he’s the one who has to send first signals, especially to a more conservative or just shy lady. So sure, sometimes a chick may not be interested but sometimes she may just be careful and a shy/insecure guy will take it as a sign of her not being interested. The worst part is that every time one of these people is “rejected” (or feels that way) they hide even more into their shell.
      In my experience, the only way out is to do what you’re doing – keep putting yourself out there.
      I don’t know after how many dates in my life I met my husband but I know for sure that if not for all my experience and increased feelings of self-worth we would have never worked out because he’s always had a responsible job. When I was younger I would certainly make scenes about it and question his commitment to work, snooping around and perhaps even accusing him of seeing someone else. That’s what insecurity puts in your mind – that you can’t be truly accepted, loved or fancied, regardless of the reality of things.

      Some elements of being Mr. 2 are good, as you say. A person should know their self-worth because honestly no one likes a walkover, regardless of their gender. In my experience guys like confidence in women too, in fact, some prefer women who knows what she wants and is open about it. Only a narcissistic guy is ever really intimidated by an assertive woman (assertive, not aggressive – a lot of ppl seem to mistake the two). Being too insecure is just suspicious and eventually the person you’re seeing/ trying to date starts to believe you have reasons to be so insecure.

      I’m sure I’ve been carried away in this comment too! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • There’s certainly a lot to say about it, we could probably discuss the subject forever! One thing you said did strike me and has perhaps permanently changed my mind: “If a girl is shy and needs a LOT of encouragement from a guy to show and believe he actually fancies here to show him she fancies him back, she misses out on guys who really fancy her but are also a bit shy.”

        I’m certain this has happened in my own life more than once! The number of times I’ve heard YEARS later from a woman who said “I always liked you…” I could slap myself! I do often think of shyness and disinterest, mainly because you can’t always tell when someone is being shy and not just being rude.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I guess the point is to focus on “you can’t always tell”. When I was younger I used to think I knew what people thought but often we just project our fears onto people’s actions and behaviours.
        I find mindfulness really helps with seeing things more as they are in reality rather than in our heads.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Mindfulness was always hard for me with my SEVERE add but I haven’t tried it again since getting some medication. I’ll start today!
        You’re right, when we can’t tell we can choose to proceed with confidence or with fear. I’m going to start choosing confidence. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Try “Take 10” by Headspace. It’s a free and very digestible introduction to mindfulness meditation!

        Great! Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. In my old age I’ve learnt not to take this ‘all talk’ guys so seriously. They are usually great at banter, which these days is hard to come by. But if you are in a position to see them for what they are, then it is possible to have your fun and dispose of them (that’s their intention towards you so why not play they game). If you are feeling to fragile, rather don’t though. And if you do engage in an encounter try your best to give it a deadline and keep an eye on the market to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think it’s sound advice BUT sometimes the all talk guys are SO charming you just can’t and you keep hoping that they mean what they say. Towards the end of my single days I just started to turn my back at them somewhere around “Hi there!” because in reality no matter how many times I told myself it wasn’t serious and it was just “fun” I still felt hurt when things ended.


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